The power of saying no

Remember that time you should have just said no and walked away? You know which time I'm referring to, don't you? We all have at least one. We are all haunted by it. Those times when you said yes when you should have said no will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth and a queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach that never quite goes away. That's a little thing the masses like to call regret. It's a tangible emotional nuisance that's impossible to ignore.

Regret is an unfamiliar notion to me. I can list on one hand the things that I truly regret. Most of the things on that list have been the result of something I have done in the last year. And in each of those situations, a great deal of regret and unsettling sensations in the pit of my stomach could have been avoided if I had just said "no."

In hindsight, I know that I should have said no. I should have turned around. I should have walked away. But instead, I walked right into a brick wall held together by bad decisions and poor judgment calls. I said yes when my gut feeling told me to do the opposite. I let my choices be guided by all the wrong motivators and I paid the price.

More often than not, I was completely conscious of the fact that I did not, in fact, want to be in these situations. On the contrary, many times it was absolutely the last place I wanted to be. But I stupidly, albeit unintentionally, said to myself "I'm here and it's already gone this far, so there's no turning back now." But I knew, then and now, that this was absolutely, positively not true. It would have only taken one second, one word, and a tiny bit of courage and self-respect to say "Actually, no. This isn't what I want. I have to go." I could have changed everything if I would have just refused to give in to the coward within me and instead embraced the woman with dignity and unshakeable self-respect that I know myself to be.

Sure, I was going through some tough times during most of these moments and maybe the things I was doing brought me comfort or some sort of twisted self-validation, but that's nowhere near a valid excuse for behaving the way that I did.

In short, I screwed up. But I'm still here. I'm still standing. And I can still say that I can count my regrets on one hand. Because despite all the poor decisions I've made, I have somehow been able to drag myself out of them, sometimes kicking and screaming, sometimes gasping for air, and sometimes feeling completely disoriented.

But I have overcome, nonetheless. And from these mistakes and horrible choices, I've learned and I've grown. I have learned that, yes, you can kiss a few frogs now and then (as my mother likes to encourage me to do), but don't settle for them and certainly don't cry over them when they're gone. I have learned not to accept anything less than extraordinary, whether it's a job, your education, your relationships, an apology, you name it. If it's not exactly what you want and if it doesn't make you happy, leave it behind and keep looking. I have learned to ask for what I want and clarify what I don't. And I've learned to do this with unyielding decisiveness.

Finally, and most importantly, I adapted the ability to say no and embrace the power of that ability. That one seemingly tiny word has the strength to move even the most intimidating of mountains.

Now that I've learned my lessons, I find myself saying no more than ever before. It may just be the best thing I have ever done for myself.