Nearly a year and a half has passed since the most pivotal relationship of my life to date came to a close. I can honestly say now that it has been the greatest, most growth-fostering, crazy, and exciting year and a half of my life.
And I don't mean that in one of those "I'm-So-Much-Better-Off-Without-Him" kind of ways. Quite frankly (and maybe a little selfishly), it has absolutely nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I will go to my grave believing that he was a genuinely decent guy. That's the truth.
But, what I will say is that in the last year and a half, I have become the person I never could have become with this person by my side. That in itself is a blessing.
I have grown up and out in unexpected ways. I've tried things I never fathomed I would, failing at some and triumphing at others and enjoying the ride either way.
I've built such strong bonds with so many amazing people, feeling my heart swell bigger and bigger with each incredible soul that touched my own. I have loved these people more than I can possibly comprehend. I could not be more grateful for each of them and the turn they have caused in this heart of mine.
I have dared to be bold and fearless. I have done things that scared me; Things I could never have done while attached to someone the way I was.
I have even gone on a date or two. Despite their outcomes, they taught me lessons. They strengthened my ability to stand up for myself, defend my own honor, and be confident enough to not settle for anything less than spectacular.
I have regained my freedom and learned to let go. I've rediscovered how truly wonderful it can feel to be independently and happily alone. I remember now why I love this feeling so much. I finally got my self back and I really think I'm starting to love who that is.
It was a treacherous journey without question. But it has been the greatest journey thus far. Because of the trials I finally remember to keep my head high and my standards even higher. I've reclaimed the rules I once had for what I expect out of life, men, and myself:
If you're going to do something, go all in
If you're going to be with me, be with me 110% percent
If you're going to request my time, make it worthwhile
If you're going to kiss me, kiss me like you mean it
If you're going to come into my life, make sure you plan to stay
And, if you're going to love me, love me for everything that I am. Every day. With all of your heart.
All of this has made me realize more than ever to appreciate when people walk out of your life. It's their time to go and your time to move on to whatever comes next. They're just giving you the freedom to do so. Let them go. Let them set you free and thank them later.
Thanks, kid.
