The Runaways

My best-friend-turned-boyfriend for approximately two months. A guy I went on one date with. My father. What do these people have in common? They're my Runaways. The significant to semi-significant ones anyway.

This phenomenon, which I've come to call the case of The Runaways, is a pattern that seems to plague my life. For some reason I can't really figure out, I have a difficult time getting people to stick around. I've been trying to figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong. I've always been the kind of girl who can't hold on to a man for long, but this is a different kind of loss. The Runaways are a sudden, completely unexpected, rug-pulled-out-from-underneath-you variety of loss.

Each of the three aforementioned individuals, although they fall into the same category, have different reasons for being dubbed a Runaway. The first, the best-friend-turned-boyfriend (and now ex-boyfriend), wasn't the first boy to break my heart, but he was the first to disappear without the faintest explanation or indication, leaving me completely in the dark. He broke me past the point of recognition and didn't offer up a single answer until more than a year had passed. Years later, he's still prone to retreat at the sight of me. It's been long enough that I can let go, but he set the precedent for this phenomenon. He will always be my first real Runaway.

The second, the guy I went on one date with, was the most recent Runaway. He isn't noteworthy because of the role he played in my life, because he only played that role for approximately a week and a half. He is noteworthy because he reminded me of just how small being dropped cold turkey can make you feel. His leaving tore away at my self-confidence and essentially reminded me just how much I hate the dating world. To be perfectly honest, I really didn't have any remotely romantic feelings towards this guy, but I had started to get used to him being around. And just when I started to get comfortable he was gone without a trace. I was left without a clue, without an ounce of knowledge as to why he went from calling me every day to being virtually nonexistent in my world. He dropped me like a bad habit and I'll probably never know why.

And finally, there's my very own father. I don't ever talk about this. Ever. But, unfortunately, my father of all people has been my most noteworthy, and most heartbreaking Runaway. He left my family and myself behind to "find himself." Time and time again, I've extended myself to him and tried to be forgiving. Time and time again he has let me down. I haven't seen him for longer than a passing glance in over two years. He abandoned his family for reasons I'll never be able to comprehend, and he has yet to turn back and try to fix the things he has broken. I may be able to find it within me to genuinely forgive him eventually, but I will never understand what could possess a person to do what this man has done. He is a coward in every sense of the word. He is the ultimate Runaway.

Maybe I'm just bad news. Maybe I really am that easy to walk away from and never look back. Maybe I'm the plague in this scenario. I'm trying to find some kind of logical explanation for all of this. I don't know. I just don't know. All I can say for sure is that, just once, I want someone to stick around. I want someone to hang around long enough to find a reason to stay. And if not that, then at least consider me worthy of even a simple goodbye. That's all I ask. For once, I want to feel like I'm worth staying the course for. I am so weary of The Runaways.