Two's Company, But Three's a Crowd.

My roommate said something to me the other day that really made sense to me. In the middle of one of my many exhausting frustrated rants she says to me, "Why do Christians have to make dating so complicated? The world has it right. I just don't get why we have to make everything so awkward." Honestly, she's right. At least, as far as my opinion goes. But regardless, she has a good point. As Christians, we tend to over complicate the issue of dating. We make it so difficult for it to happen organically. Maybe that's because our options aren't always plenty or because we feel we have to go about it a particular way, like there's a step-by-step process we have to follow exactly. I'm really not sure.

This may anger some people and I apologize in advance for that. It's okay if you disagree with me. This is just one person's opinion, and maybe I'm wrong. All I can really say is that I try to live my life by the Book (the Bible, in case anyone was wondering) as closely as I possibly can. Of course, I'm only human and I slip up...often. And yes, I will admit that there are some things in there that I would love to argue aren't meant to be taken absolutely literally. Let's just get that out right now. That doesn't mean that I don't agree with them, just that I feel that they're open for a little more interpretation than most people are willing to allow.

With that being said, I'm going to share my take on Christian dating with you. You may not like it, but here it is: I think Christians have a reputation for making dating seem really mechanical, forced, and frankly, very fake. I word it that way because I know that this isn't always the case. I'm speaking from what I have personally witnessed in the Christian dating world. And quite honestly, I hate it. It makes me want to abandon dating altogether. That's horrible, I know that, but hear me out. I've dated people that would be considered "worldly." In fact, depending on your perspective, you might say that all but one of the men that I have dated were. I've said that my love life would make a pretty good bad religion joke, and it really would. Obviously, my relationships haven't worked out up to this point. But that's the nature of most relationships. 99% of the time, they don't work out. The other 1% of the time you end up married. Things don't work out, people break up, relationships end. It's not always happily ever after. It happens. It's natural and it's absolutely normal. I'm not completely heartless so, of course, I don't enjoy when relationships end. I'm a girl and, I hate to admit it, but we all want that fairytale ending and I'm no exception to that rule. But I'm also a realist and I know that happily ever after is hard to find.

The majority of relationships that I have witnessed between two Christ following individuals have been the kind of thing that makes me feel embarrassed to say that I share the same beliefs. Essentially it's one of those things that causes me to think "...and that's why people give Christians a bad name." A good majority of these negative feelings that I have towards this subject sprout from my freshman year of college. I got wrapped up with a group of people who had some good intentions but a lot of wrong ideas about how to go about living by the Word. That's when this whole thing started. I got my first taste of what Christians have made of dating as young adults. That first taste was enough for me to know that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. Not to mention, at the time I was in a relationship with a boy that I cared about very much.

Here's what really gets me about their dating "process." It is, in fact a process. It begins with the dates that "aren't actually dates." But really, if it looks like a date and sounds like a date and walks like a date, IT'S A DATE. They go on these dates and if they decide they actually have feelings for this person they then begin the plotting and planning of the very public (and usually very overly cliche) ceremony wherein they ask the girl to be with them and it usually includes flowers or some sort of offering. And, of course, everyone and their mother is there to witness this affair. You would swear they were getting engaged. After all of this goes as planned, the two people are "dating." But, of course, not in the sense of the word that the rest of us normal human beings utilize. This "dating" is a new stage in their lives. In fact, it's almost as if they have joined a new social class, or species even. They are separated out and put into a completely different group than they were in when they were single. Let me emphasize this: They are NOT engaged. They are NOT getting married. They are doing what normal people do, but they're making it seem like it's a much bigger deal than it actually is. And it makes me absolutely sick.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm a very private person when it comes to my relationships and therefore can't relate to people who feel the need to broadcast and share every aspect of their relationship with everyone around them. I'm not an open book about those kinds of things, plain and simple. My last relationship was extremely private, and if I could do it all over again I probably wouldn't change that part of it. As far as I'm concerned, relationships should be between the two people that are in that relationship. It shouldn't be about anyone else. And it shouldn't be forced or planned or premeditated. We're not 14 anymore. It's time we started having relationships the way that adults should. I know that the issue of dating isn't explicitly drawn out in the Bible, but I'm pretty sure He didn't want us to flaunt it.

It should not be so complicated. If two people are meant to be together, it will happen when the time is right. Don't force it. Don't make it about anyone else because, frankly, it is no one else's business. And please, for the love of all that is holy, STOP making such a scene out of it. It's embarrassing for the rest of us Christians who are trying to bring others in, not drive them away. I am all about being Godly in my relationships. I don't want to conduct myself by the world's standards. I want and strive to follow God's guidelines for my relationships with others, but there is no need to make it so incredibly uncomfortable for the rest of the world. You still inhabit the same body that you did before. You are not a different person because of your relationship status. Your position in life does not change because your relationship with another human does. Remember that, meditate on it, and embrace it. And please, PLEASE stop making everything so painfully awkward. The rest of the world will thank you for it.